


Go To Hell

by plsnskanks (orphan_account)



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Halloween fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-27 08:37:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16215422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/plsnskanks
Summary: In which Medic gets stuck in hell and the guys go to (try and) save him with Pauling and Merasmus in tow





	Go To Hell

“Hey Spy…,” Scout’s head peeks around his door and he can already feel a well of irritation even though he hasn’t turned around to look at him yet. Spy throws down his magazine and glances at his teammate.

“What.”

“Don’t go around bein’ friendly or nothin’,” Scout says sarcastically shuffling his feet nervously at his teammate’s harsh stare.

“You are here, in my space, demanding my attention. You have it,” Spy says, tone patient, eyes telling a different story altogether. 

“Yeesh, alright, I get it. I was just wonderin’ if you had seen Medic around, I checked around with all the guys and none of em say they’ve seen him today. The only person I haven’t asked is Solly, and that’s because I can’t find him. Sides Py. Can’t find him either but it isn’t like he would have much to say.”

“And why, pray tell, do you need Medic when we haven’t had a mission in over a week,” Spy asked knowing he wasn’t going to like the answer.

Scout held up a bruised and bloody left hand.

“Well you see Demo and I were playing this game with a hammer where you take-,” Scout begins.

Spy holds up a hand to stop him, pinches the bridge of his nose in irritation, rubbing it for a minute, before letting go and looking at him with a dead expression.

“When was the last time you saw him?” 

“Yesterday, same deal,” Scout says, pointing to his hand.

Spy stood up, exasperated with the situation. 

“If I help you find him will you leave me alone until the next mission?”

“Sure thing pal,” Scout said. Spy stood up and started to walk. He was partially doing this just to get Scout out of his hair, partially doing this because if Medic truly was MIA they needed to notify Pauling as soon as possible.

“Did you check the medbay yet?”

“Door’s closed.”

“Is it locked?”

“Listen man, last time I opened a closed medbay door, Medic sent me to respawn,” Scout said wincing at some unfortunate memory. “You ever see him use his bonesaw on the battlefield? No hesitation.”

“Alright, medbay it is,” Spy said. 

“Did you not just hear-,” Scout said in protest.

“I heard, but you want to find him yes? Then we can’t leave this stone unchecked,” Spy said without looking at Scout. He merely started in the general direction of the medbay. Scout dawdled a moment, mulling over whether it was really worth the risk to go try his luck. The throbbing in his hand makes up his mind for him. 

They walk down the slate grey hallway until they reached the door of the medbay. Spy tries the door to find that it is locked. Sighing he reaches inside his jacket, pulls out his cigarette case and from somewhere inside it extracts a lockpick.

“Of course you know how to pick locks,” Scout says as he paces in small circles while Spy gets to work on the door lock. “Is that how you have dirt on everyone?”

The door clicks and then pops open. Spy pulls out his cloak and activates it. Realizing he is the only visible criminal Scout’s face pinches up in anger.

“You dirty-.” 

He stops as the medbay door is pushed open. Inside there is a lamp light on and strewn papers on the ground.

The first thing he notices is the copious amounts of blood on the operating table, which is, more or less, standard for Medic’s place of work. What was surprising to see was the chalk pentagram on the ground, slightly smudged and dotted with blood, but otherwise eerily well drawn. The proportions were spot on and the lines firm and consistent. Not exactly out of line for Medic, but still rather strange. A wide array of candles were scattered about the room, on the table in the blood, on the floor, some on the desk. All out but all looking like they had been used at least once.

“I do not like the look of this creepshow shit,” Scout said as he bent down to take a closer look at the blood spatters on the pentagram.

He heard the sound of Spy decloaking and the man stood beside him.

“We should not touch anything and go see if we can find Soldier,” Spy said, examining the scene before looking down at Scout.

“Soldier? What has he gotta do with any of this?” Scout asked, looking up at him in surprise.

“Well, not much admittedly, but his, er, former roommate might know a few things that could assist us,” Spy said.

“Merasmus? That asshole? No way,” Scout said, straightening up to look Spy dead on. “He tries to kill us like, every year, why would we want his help?”

“Because spare maybe Demoman, there is no one on the team with much experience or interest in the occult.”

“Okay so let’s go get Demo,” Scout shrugged. He really couldn’t stand Merasmus and if there was a way to circumvent having to find him, Scout was going to take it.

“Scout,” Spy said patiently, “we are on break and it is past noon, where and what do you think Demoman is doing?”

Scout rubbed the side of his face in irritation. He knew already. The man had been well into his drinks at the time of the knife incident, “Awh alright, alright, let’s go find Solly so we can go find his stupid roommate.” Scout kicked a stray candle laying on the floor and it bounced heartily across the room until it hit a metal filing cabinet with a bang.

“Hold up,” Scout said after a moment of thought. “Where’s his bird?”

“Not in your chest again, I hope?” Spy said with disinterest.

“Seriously Doc doesn’t go anywhere without that stupid thing, you think he knew what was gonna happen before it did?” Scout said, eyeing the candles suspiciously.

Spy seemed to mull over the question for a moment, “It is not out of the question.”

Scout shrugged, “Doubt we are going to get many more answers from in here, come on, let’s go find Solly.”

Soldier is in fact, quite easy to find once they establish that he is not inside the base. They first see Engineer on a rock on his favorite lawn chair, and before they can ask if he knows his teammate’s whereabouts, Soldier rockets out of the canyon, letting out a loud woop as he hangs in the air a moment and the plummets back down into the canyon, leaving a trail of smoke hanging limply in the air after him.

“Just tweaked his gun a little so he gets more lift and less damage jumping around like he usually does,” Engineer says in greeting, smiling warmly as he sees Soldier leap out of the canyon again with another cry of excitement. “You find Doc yet, son?”

Scout scuffs the ground with his foot, “Naw, that’s why we are out here, gonna go see if Solly knows anything about it. That or his, uh, roommate.”

“Roommate?” Engineer says curiously before his face sours, “You don’t mean that sorry excuse yellow bellied wizard of his, now do you?”

“That’s him, yeah,” Scout says with the same sour note to his tone.

“Now why you two looking for that one? I thought we wrapped things up with him nice and neat last year?”

“You should go take a look at the Medbay,” is all Scout says in answer. Engineer regards him with curiosity as Spy puts two fingers in his mouth and whistles sharply at Soldier as he comes out of the canyon again.

Both Scout and Engineer cover their ears at the piercing noise and Engineer lets out a “Warn a feller before you do that.”

Nonetheless, the objective is accomplished as Soldier’s head jerks towards them and he lands a final time before launching himself towards them with nerve wracking speed. He lands between the three of them, kicking up a large amount of dust in the process and leaving deep set footprints of where he landed.

“Greetings comrades,” Soldier says as he sets down his launcher and gives them a hearty salute. “What can I do for you?”

“Hey Solly, you know where Merasmus is?”

Soldier cackles lowly before answering, “No.”

“What? What do you mean no, you used to live with the guy?” Scout said exasperated.

“He said I had to chose between him and Lieutenant Bites, and I chose the higher ranking officer,” Soldier said looking proud of himself.

“Oh my god,” Spy groaned. “At this rate we are going to have to notify her of a man down.”

Everyone straightened up at the sentence.

“Woah, woah, woah. No need to get her involved,” Scout said, eyes darting nervously to all his teammates. “Can’t we uh, call Ms. Pauling? She always knows what to do.”

“And why would we do that, private?” Soldier said, reaching out to grind his fist into the top of Scout’s hair in a playful manner. Scout slapped his hand away and tried to dodge but merely ended up in a headlock instead.

“Medic has been missing for close to thirty-six hours,” Spy said as he looked at his watch.

“Missing? No member of my team goes missing. Men we have a deserter!” Soldier seemed to be ignoring the fact that Scout was slowly running out of oxygen under his sweaty armpit, his face turning a deep pink.

“Alright, alright partner, let him up,” Engineer said as he slapped Soldier’s back. Soldier seemed to notice the man struggling in his grip at last and let him go. Scout collapsed to the ground in a heap, grasping for air.

“What about calling him? Y’all were roommates for a while. He didn’t leave you a line or anything?” Engineer said as Scout tried to drag himself away from Solider.

Soldier thought a moment, “He left me a series of numbers I assumed were our emergency meeting coordinates.”

Spy closed his eyes overwhelmed with the stupidity of the moment. “Can we see them?”

“I will retrieve them for you,” Soldier said and then set off at a brisk pace emitting soft little “hut, hut, huts” as he jogged off into the distance. The rest of the group stared after him for a moment before the conversation resumed.

“So, Pauling it is? I can get ahold of her via my private line,” Spy says.

“Why do you have Miss Pauling’s number?” Scout asked through a fit of melodramatic coughing.

“Because she is rather liberal handing it out to men who are not hounding under her skirt every odd moment,” Spy said, regarding his teammate on the floor with distaste.

Scout picks up a handful of soil and flings it at Spy. Spy reaches into his vest to pull out his knife and starts to approach.

“Easy, easy,” Engineer says, putting his hand on Spy’s chest. He swiftly removes it under the withering look Spy gives him but stands firm on his assertion.

“Now let’s keep everyone out of respawn until we can ensure we have our doc back, alright? Good,” Engineer walks over and pulls Scout off the ground. “Let’s call Merasmus just to see what he has to say as well,” Engineer says as he sees Soldier’s returning figure.

“Awh come on, the wizard? You know he is going to be a dead end,” Scout said, dusting himself off.

“We don’t know anything for sure, and at this rate, a lead is a lead,” Spy said, looking at him sternly.   
“The more info we have, the faster we can wrap this up, the smaller the chance of things getting kicked all the way up to the top.”

“Spy has a point,” Engineer said as Soldier approached him and gave him a folder with “Clasifyd” scrawled on it in overly large and messy handwriting. Thankfully Solider was considerably more diligent at writing numbers, and with ease Engineer was able to read out the numbers as he pulled out an ancient brick phone from his toolbox, pulled the antenna up, and dialed.

“Hello?” came the cool tone at the other end, voice echoing only slightly.  
“Hey uh, this is-.”

“Hello Merasmus! It is good to hear from you,” Soldier shouted into the receiver loud enough that Engineer visibly winced behind his goggles and hard hat.

“Oh no….” The voice at the other end groaned.

“Now wait, before you hang up we were wondering if you knew anything about some hokey stuff going down at the base.”

“Why would I ever help any of you, especially that cretin that ruined my house with raccoons and got me thrown in jail,” Merasmus snarled. Engineer held the phone back as green sparks came through his end of the receiver.

Spy reached over and plucked the phone out of his floundering teammate’s hand, holding it with two fingers a bit farther from his face.

“Because we can guarantee he stays away from you so long as you can give us a lead.”

“A lead about what?”

Spy smiled, “How about you come over?”

Merasmus arrives, ram’s skull at a jaunty angle, rancid look firmly in place, robes looking ragged yet spotless and smelling faintly of lilac. Scout went and got Sniper from his van, just as a precaution and for extra muscle if things should go wrong.

“Alright, what am I looking at?” He says, a protruding shoe tip tapping impatiently as he looked at the band of mercenaries.

“Merasmus!” Soldier cries approaching him with open arms.

“If he touches me I turn him into a raccoon,” Merasmus warns. Scout moves to block Soldier but is pushed aside with much ado. Engineer steps up and plants a firm hand on his chest.

“Easy there partner, Merasmus has a bit of the flu and you should keep your distance.”

Soldier stops cold, “I cannot in good conscience greet you then, my men have a mission and we must all be strong for it.”

“There’s a pal,” Engineer says jovially.

Merasmus sighs in relief as he sees his former roommate back off.

“This way,” Spy says. He leads him to the medbay and Merasmus looks around, dragging a finger along the chalk pentagram and raising it to his nose for a sniff before crinkling it and setting turning to the crew.

“Your friend seems to either have tangled with a particularly nasty strain of cultists or the devil himself. But either way it was probably the cultists that pulled this off. That sign over there carved into the wood desk,” Merasmus said pointing to an obscure engraving that they had missed on the first look through.

“That is the sign of the Badlands Blood Cult. Nasty group, can’t say it has every been a pleasure to be summoned to do their dark bidding. Have probably halved the rabbit population around here over the last decade from their blood sacrifice rituals. If you ever lost someone around here it was probably them.”

“So did they kill our guy or what?” Scout said, snapping his gum impatiently. “We ain’t here for the history lesson, we just want our Doc back.”

“He’s alive. If they were going to kill him there would be more blood than what there already is and a body. Cultists like them aren’t really the type to clean up after themselves, oh no just pay the police to shut up about it. Honestly no taste, where’s the intrigue, the mystery, the Lovecraftian airs.”

Merasmus looked out at a crowd of men who apparently didn’t share his appreciation for theatric bloodletting.

“Anyways he is alive and probably in Arizona.”

“What,” Scout said flatly.

“Arizona, now how the bloody hell did he get out there?” Sniper said. “Sure the man can run, but no way the bugger got there in what, two, three days?”

“They transported him instantly,” Merasmus said, scuffing at the pentagram with his foot. “These are either for coming or going and by the state of this facility, it was going.”

“And the blood?” Engineer asked.

“Likely rabbit,” Merasmus said, sniffing the air and then looking at the congealed liquid with disgust. “It’s like trying to fuel a car with batteries, just use a lamb or someone with no surviving relatives. Shoddy work if you ask me, they’ve only been around, what ten, twenty years. Amateurs at best.”

“How do we get him back? He is an important member of our team. Not easily replaced,” Spy said cutting the monologue short. 

Merasmus thought for a moment, “You know, I have a score to settle in hell, if you want some assistance getting back your friend and you want to agree to help me, I can be of some help.”

Spy cocks an eyebrow as Scout speaks up, “Really? You would agree to be around him?” He pointed to Soldier. 

Merasmus sighed dramatically, “In exchange for getting this off my plate? Yes. I will make do. I maintain the condition about him touching me.”

“Just keep havin’ the flu, that will do it,” Scout said with a snort.

“So,” Merasmus said slowly, “How would you wish to proceed?”

Spy holds up his phone, Pauling’s number displayed and presses the call button


End file.
